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If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
Will Rogers
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Will Rogers
Age: 55 †
Born: 1879
Born: November 4
Died: 1935
Died: August 15
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Journalist
Politician
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Oologah
Oklahoma
William Penn Adair Rogers
William Rogers
Half
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Congress
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More quotes by Will Rogers
George Bernard Shaw of England stopped over just long enough to make one speech in Bombay, India, started a war and 100 Indians killed each other. That's what I call good speech-making. The only enthusiasm any of our speakers can rouse is a demand to kill the speaker.
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I would never make a good economist. You know, an economist is a man that can tell you anything about — well, he will tell you what can happen under any given condition — and his guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's, too.
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She was so ugly she could make a mule back away from an oat bin.
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The small town is passing. It was the incubator that hatched all our big men, and that's why we haven't got as many big men today as we used to have. Take every small-town-raised leader out of business and you would have nobody left running it but vice-presidents.
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Your mothers get mighty shocked at you girls nowadays, but in her day, her mother was just on the verge of sending her to reform school.
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The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
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Our country has plenty of five-cent cigars, but the trouble is they charge fifteen cents for them.
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Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
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Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.
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I don't care how little your country is, you got a right to run it like you want to. When the big nations quit meddling then the world will have peace.
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Let Wall Street have a nightmare and the whole country has to help them back to bed again.
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The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.
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Fanatical religion driven to a certain point is almost as bad as none at all, but not quite.
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With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke.
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Everyone is a self-made man. Only the successful admit it.
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You shake a slogan at an American and it's just like showing a hungry dog a bone.
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There ain't nothing that breaks up homes, country and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs
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Nothing you can't spell will ever work.
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A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.
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I'll bet you the time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.
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