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The moral of the story of the Pilgrims is that if you work hard all your life and behave yourself every minute and take no time out for fun you will break practically even, if you can borrow enough money to pay your taxes.
Will Cuppy
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Will Cuppy
Age: 65 †
Born: 1884
Born: August 23
Died: 1949
Died: September 19
Critic
Humorist
Journalist
Literary Critic
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Auburn
Indiana
William Jacob Cuppy
Enough
Minutes
Pilgrims
Hard
Fun
Pilgrim
Even
Break
Borrow
Work
Moral
Practically
Every
Story
Behave
Time
Money
Minute
Life
Stories
Taxes
Take
Pay
More quotes by Will Cuppy
I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the 'ideas' of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.
Will Cuppy
Most people, it seems, think that Robinson Crusoe when he landed on his Island had nothing to keep him from starvation or anything else. As a matter of fact he had twelve raft loads of supplies that he took off the wrecked ship. He had as much food and furniture as if he had had a delicatessen store and Fifth Avenue outside his hut.
Will Cuppy
I only know that all is lost, and that nothing can help me unless I inherit money, strike oil or go to work.
Will Cuppy
If a cat does something, we call it instinct if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.
Will Cuppy
Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don't have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.
Will Cuppy
Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.
Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] To give the Beaver his due, he does things because he has to do them, not because he believes that hard work per se will somehow make him a better Beaver -- the Beaver may be dumb, but he is not that dumb! The Beaver was made to gnaw, and gnaw he does. There you have him in a nutshell.
Will Cuppy
Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.
Will Cuppy
Cæsar might have married her [Cleopatra], but he had a wife at home. There's always something.
Will Cuppy
We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.
Will Cuppy
We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.
Will Cuppy
Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.
Will Cuppy
They [the Pilgrims] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.
Will Cuppy
Much still remains to be learned about his sex life because the Hummingbird is quicker than the eye.
Will Cuppy
I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.
Will Cuppy
Even as a child back in Indiana, whenever I took a Butterbelly off the hook I used to ask myself, Does this fish think? I would even ask others, Do you suppose this Butterbelly can think? And all I would get in reply was a look. At the age of eighteen, I left the state.
Will Cuppy
If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up, he will roll over to prove that he is dead... While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.
Will Cuppy
Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.
Will Cuppy
The Earthworm plows the whole world with his tunnels, drains and aerates the earth… If you ever buy any land, be sure it has plenty of Earthworms toiling and moiling all day so that you can sit down and relax.
Will Cuppy
Young normal tigers do not eat people. If eaten by a tiger you may rest assured he was abnormal.
Will Cuppy
