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I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.

Will Cuppy

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Will Cuppy
Age: 65 †
Born: 1884
Born: August 23
Died: 1949
Died: September 19
Critic
Humorist
Journalist
Literary Critic
Writer
Auburn
Indiana
William Jacob Cuppy
Heart
Billed
Humorist
Humorists
Courses
Course

More quotes by Will Cuppy

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We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.
Will Cuppy
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The Zebra is striped all over so that the Lion can see him and eat him. Some people say he is striped so that the Lion can not see him. These people believe that the stripes of the Zebra simulate the bars of sunlight falling through the tall jungle grasses and that therefore the Zebra is invisible and that the earth is flat.
Will Cuppy
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We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.
Will Cuppy
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Aristotle maintains that the neck of the Lion is composed of a single bone. Aristotle knew nothing at all about Lions, a circumstance which did not prevent him from writing a good deal on the subject.
Will Cuppy
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They [the Pilgrims] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.
Will Cuppy
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Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.
Will Cuppy
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Three million alligators were killed in Florida between 1880 and 1900. Goody!
Will Cuppy
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[Footnote:] The female of any species is generally regarded as a relatively anabolic organism, more passive than the male, who is relatively katabolic and active. The fact remains that one frequently runs across a rather katabolic female.
Will Cuppy
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[Footnote:] The Dotterel weighs only four ounces. It has long been a scientific riddle how so much wrong-headedness can manage to exist in so small a space. Still, there's the Least Gnatcatcher.
Will Cuppy
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[Footnote:]Each male has from 2 to 790 females with whom he discusses current events. Of these he marries from 3 to 17.
Will Cuppy
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Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.
Will Cuppy
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Etiquette means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.
Will Cuppy
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A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras.
Will Cuppy
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Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.
Will Cuppy
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If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up, he will roll over to prove that he is dead... While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.
Will Cuppy
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It's easy to see the faults in people, I know and it's harder to see the good. Especially when the good isn't there.
Will Cuppy
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My philosophy of life can be summed up in four words: It can't be helped.
Will Cuppy
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I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.
Will Cuppy
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The head of a Pike, served at supper, is said to have caused the death from terror of Theodoric the Goth, who imagined the fish's features to be those of Symmachus, a man he had just killed. But for this story, we of today would have no idea what Symmachus looked like.
Will Cuppy
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Galvani was mistaken about the amount of electricity in frogs, but he had some good ideas, too, for the galvanometer is named in his honor, and you don't have galvanometers named after you merely for making a mistake about a frog.
Will Cuppy