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I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.
Wanda Sykes
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Wanda Sykes
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: March 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Wanda Sykes-Hall
Wanda Yvette Sykes
Wanda Yvette Sykes-Hall
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Enemy
More quotes by Wanda Sykes
It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.
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Whether you have a show or not, you can still be somewhere being funny.
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With a black president, I can relax... I can dance in public... I can buy a whole watermelon now.
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I'm a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.
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Mostly everything gets worse before it gets better.
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I always want to go back and do stand-up I like the freedom.
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I know every time I fly, I get checked twice: they stop me at security, and then, they get me again at the gate. And last time, it was so bad, they actually made me go through the machine with the luggage.
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Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.
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We got to stop doing that, ladies. You know, men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.
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Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.
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You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.
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I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.
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Good comics stick around. There are people who have TV shows that might be successful, but comics can't really fake it. If you say, 'Hey, I love what you guys are doing - you're funny,' then you're in. It's legit.
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When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.
Wanda Sykes
If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex.
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Seriously, I don't need a gun. I'm easily annoyed. I would shoot people in my house that I invited over.
Wanda Sykes
Once you start making money, you can be an ass. But I am not an ass. I'm too lazy, that takes a lot of energy.
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I'm a comedian so I'm not waiting around for someone to write a part for me. I don't have to wait for somebody else to create my next job I have the ability to basically write my own ticket.
Wanda Sykes
My neighbor, she invited me to an Elvis party. I told her I couldn't come 'cause I'd be too busy making fun of her from behind my blinds.
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Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. I hope his kidneys fail.
Wanda Sykes