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I hate when women compare men to dogs. Men are not dogs. Dogs are loyal. I've never found any strange panties in my dog's house.
Wanda Sykes
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Wanda Sykes
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: March 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Portsmouth
Virginia
Wanda Sykes-Hall
Wanda Yvette Sykes
Wanda Yvette Sykes-Hall
Dog
Strange
Hate
House
Found
Panties
Women
Loyal
Never
Dogs
Men
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More quotes by Wanda Sykes
Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it.
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Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.
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We got to stop doing that, ladies. You know, men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal.
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The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.'
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It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh.
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As soon as you say 'I do,' you'll discover that marriage is like a car. Both of you might be sitting in the front seat, but only one of you is driving. And most marriages are more like a motorcycle than a car. Somebody has to sit in the back, and you have to yell just to be heard.
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I feel today's society is so judgmental.
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I'm like, If you do something dumb, I'll write about it. If you put something out there, to me it's like you're kind of asking for it.
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I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too.
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People say, 'Well don't you regret not having kids?' And I go, 'No, not really.' And then if they keep asking, I always say this, 'Well, you know, maybe I'll adopt.' But I don't mean that. It's just something I say to make me sound like a nicer person.
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You know what, I think maybe it's because men like to fart, and the host wants to be able to sit in his writers' room and just pass gas freely. Me, I'm a lady. I'm dainty. I know to get up and leave the room and go to my office.
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I think the worst one [indian mascot] is the Cleveland Indians' Big Chief Wahoo. It's just a red face on a baseball with a big, toothy grin. It's the Sambo of all other offensive mascots. I have never seen a Native American smile that hard before, not even at a casino opening.
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I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing.
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Yeah, I had top-secret clearance and everything.
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You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.
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Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science.
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When I am outside at night by myself every person turns into a pedophile. So I tend to walk a little faster than usual and then I sprint.
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To me, political office should be like jury duty. You should just get a notice in the mail one day and say, 'Aw, sh - , I'm secretary of state next month.
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Good comics stick around. There are people who have TV shows that might be successful, but comics can't really fake it. If you say, 'Hey, I love what you guys are doing - you're funny,' then you're in. It's legit.
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I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker. But he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight. Rush Limbaugh, 'I hope the country fails' - I hope his kidneys fail, how about that? ... He needs a waterboarding, that's what he needs.
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