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Isn't your life extremely flat,With nothing to grumble at?
W. S. Gilbert
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W. S. Gilbert
Age: 74 †
Born: 1836
Born: November 18
Died: 1911
Died: May 29
Dramatist
Illustrator
Librettist
Playwright
Poet
Screenwriter
Theatrical Director
Writer
London
England
Sir William Schwenck Gilbert
William Schwenck Gilbert
William S. Gilbert
William Schwenk Gilbert
Bab
Bab Gilbert
William Gilbert
Grumble
Flat
Flats
Extremely
Nothing
Life
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I am the very model of a modern major general
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Wherever valor true is found, true modesty will there abound.
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I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule.
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And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist-- I don't think she'd be missed--I'm sure she'd not be missed!
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every Jack He must study the knack If he wants to make sure of his Jill!
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He did nothing in particular, and did it very well.
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The privilege and pleasure That we treasure beyond measure Is to run on little errands for the Ministers of State.
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When Wellington thrashed Bonaparte, As every child can tell, The House of Peers, throughout the war, Did nothing in particular, And did it very well
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In all the woes that curse our race there is a lady in the case.
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It isn't so much what's on the table that matters, as what's on the chairs.
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I often think it's comical How Nature always does contrive That every boy and every gal That's born into the world alive Is either a little Liberal Or else a little Conservative!
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I shall carry to the Catacombs of Age, Photographically lined On the tablet of my mind
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Who knows but we may count among our intellectual chickens Like them an Earl of Thackeray and p'raps a Duke of Dickens
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What though I cannot meet my bills? What though I suffer toothache's ills? What though I swallow countless pills?
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The happiest hour a sailor sees Is when he's down At an inland town, With his Nancy on his knees, yo ho! And his arm around her waist!
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As is gloriously sung in the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta H.M.S. Pinafore, in the words of W. S. Gilbert: Things are seldom as they seem, Skim milk masquerades as cream.
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Spurn not the nobly born with love affected nor treat with virtuous scorn the well connected.
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I've an irritating chuckle, I've a celebrated sneer, I've an entertaining snigger, I've a fascinating leer To everybody's prejudice I know a thing or two I can tell a woman's age in half a minute--and I do
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I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.
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If I can wheedle A knife or a needle, Why not a Silver Churn?
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