Quote

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Glasses
Trees
Gin
Main
Squeezing
Ambition
Squeeze
Tree
Gardener
Water
Juice
Orange
Glass

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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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