Quote

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Water
Juice
Orange
Glass
Glasses
Trees
Gin
Main
Squeezing
Ambition
Squeeze
Tree
Gardener

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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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