Quote

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Main
Squeezing
Ambition
Squeeze
Tree
Gardener
Water
Juice
Orange
Glass
Glasses
Trees
Gin

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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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