Quote

My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Glasses
Trees
Gin
Main
Squeezing
Ambition
Squeeze
Tree
Gardener
Water
Juice
Orange
Glass

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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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I never met a kid I liked.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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