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W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
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More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
W. C. Fields
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields