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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Funds
Tied
Cash
Fund
Available
Completely
More quotes by W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields