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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Happiness
Money
Unhappy
Places
Nice

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
W. C. Fields
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields