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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Places
Nice
Happiness
Money
Unhappy

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields