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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Work
Quitting
Time
Idiot
Doe
Firsts
Need
First
Needs
Trying
Quit
More quotes by W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
