Quote

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Firsts
Need
First
Needs
Trying
Quit
Work
Quitting
Time
Idiot
Doe

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
W. C. Fields
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
W. C. Fields
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
W. C. Fields
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
W. C. Fields
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields