Quote

If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Work
Quitting
Time
Idiot
Doe
Firsts
Need
First
Needs
Trying
Quit

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. Fields
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
W. C. Fields
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields