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I'm looking for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Loopholes
Looking
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
W. C. Fields
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
