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I'm looking for loopholes.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Loopholes
Looking

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
W. C. Fields
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
W. C. Fields
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
W. C. Fields
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I can do anything I want to do!
W. C. Fields
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
W. C. Fields
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
W. C. Fields
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields