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I'm looking for loopholes.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Loopholes
Looking

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
W. C. Fields
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
W. C. Fields
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Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
W. C. Fields
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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
W. C. Fields
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
W. C. Fields
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. Fields
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
W. C. Fields