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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Comedians
Steal
Stealing
Comedian
Thou
Shalt

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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Never work with animals or children.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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