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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Comedians
Steal
Stealing
Comedian
Thou
Shalt
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I like children - fried.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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