Quote

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Twenties
Ceiling
Price
Ceilings
Lows
Avenues
Street
Barely
Bazaar
Streets
Cents
Bazaars
Called
Relief
Alley
Five
Sexual
Avenue
Twenty
Alleys

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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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I drink therefore I am.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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