Quote

The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Twenty
Alleys
Twenties
Ceiling
Price
Ceilings
Lows
Avenues
Street
Barely
Bazaar
Streets
Cents
Bazaars
Called
Relief
Alley
Five
Sexual
Avenue

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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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I like children - fried.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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