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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Persons
Income
Devised
Giving
Taxes
Accountants
Make
Couldn
Einstein
Head
Admitted
Middle
Tail
Public
Tails
Business
Lawyers
Give
Lawyer
Certified

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I like children - fried.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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