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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Use
Alcohol
Years
Former
Olives
Lifetime
Whisky
Save
Consume
Worth
Consumed
Least
Diet
Imagine
Diets
Year
Latter
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
W. C. Fields