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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Color
Wonderful
Hours
Assorted
Funny
Mighty
Come
Colors
Thing
Curious
Things
Travel
World
Couple

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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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