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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Travel
Things
Couple
World
Color
Wonderful
Assorted
Hours
Mighty
Funny
Colors
Come
Curious
Thing
More quotes by W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
W. C. Fields
Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
