Quote

It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
World
Couple
Color
Wonderful
Hours
Assorted
Funny
Mighty
Come
Colors
Thing
Curious
Things
Travel

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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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