Quote

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cities
Town
Lying
Towns
Upon
Piece
Bigs
Laugh
Every
Lies
Always
City
Nearby
People
Laughing
Idiocy
Pieces
Hanging

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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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I drink therefore I am.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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I like children - fried.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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