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In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cities
Town
Lying
Towns
Upon
Piece
Bigs
Laugh
Every
Lies
Always
City
Nearby
People
Laughing
Idiocy
Pieces
Hanging
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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