Quote

In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cities
Town
Lying
Towns
Upon
Piece
Bigs
Laugh
Every
Lies
Always
City
Nearby
People
Laughing
Idiocy
Pieces
Hanging

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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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