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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Writing
Premises
Practically
Scripts
Develop
Short
Write
Found
Premise
Better
Economically

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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields