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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Corpse
Corpses
Meaning
Almost
Business
Wells
Well
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
W. C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
W. C. Fields
