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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Well
Corpse
Corpses
Meaning
Almost
Business
Wells

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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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