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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Well
Corpse
Corpses
Meaning
Almost
Business
Wells
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
W. C. Fields
You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
