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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Almost
Business
Wells
Well
Corpse
Corpses
Meaning
More quotes by W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
W. C. Fields
The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
W. C. Fields
