Quote

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Think
Closing
Thinking
Ass
Church
Religion
Often
Hard
Long
Time
Sore

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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