Quote

I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Time
Sore
Think
Closing
Thinking
Ass
Church
Religion
Often
Hard
Long

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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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