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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
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Bank
Dinner
Week
Friends
Lasts
Last
President
Best
Thieves
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields
