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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Lasts
Last
President
Best
Thieves
Like
Bank
Dinner
Week
Friends

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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy it's only a question of degree.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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