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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
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Bank
Dinner
Week
Friends
Lasts
Last
President
Best
Thieves
More quotes by W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
