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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Last
President
Best
Thieves
Like
Bank
Dinner
Week
Friends
Lasts

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Never work with animals or children.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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