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I always made up my own acts built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Real
Knowledge
Tried
Made
Show
Built
Every
Opportunity
Bits
Always
Shows
Stage
Time
True
Went
Life
Nature
Study
Observation
People
Human
Wonderful
Acts
Humans
Audience
Opportunities

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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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Never work with animals or children.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
W. C. Fields
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields