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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
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Remember
Would
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. Fields
