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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
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Dialogue
Lines
Remember
Would

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
W. C. Fields
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
W. C. Fields
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
W. C. Fields
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
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I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
W. C. Fields
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
W. C. Fields
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields