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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
W. C. Fields
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields