Quote

A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Much
Picking
Would
Comic
Men
Suffer
Heavy
Line
Single
Barbell
Lines
Hernia
Suffering
Hernias

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I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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