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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Scotch
Bicycle
Fish
Fishes
Water
Needs
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More quotes by W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
