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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Quite
Better
Nothing
Things
Like
Sex
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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Never work with animals or children.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
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