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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Quite
Better
Nothing
Things
Like
Sex

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields
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I can do anything I want to do!
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
W. C. Fields
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
W. C. Fields
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
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Alcoholic: anybody who drinks more than I do.
W. C. Fields
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields