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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Like
Sex
Quite
Better
Nothing
Things

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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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