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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Noise
Stand
Take

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
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I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
W. C. Fields
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
W. C. Fields
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
W. C. Fields
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. Fields
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
W. C. Fields