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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Noise
Stand
Take
More quotes by W. C. Fields
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
W. C. Fields
I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
W. C. Fields
Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
W. C. Fields
There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
W. C. Fields
I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
W. C. Fields
There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. Fields
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
