Quote

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Five
Grapes
Future
Thirst
Remember
Excellence
Reason
Reasons
Wells
Drinking
Cognac
Well
Wine
Vineyards
Friend
Arrival
Present
Arrivals

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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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